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Java: The more you crap, the more crap you need to crap.
Lisp: You crap by dropping the first and crapping the rest.
C: A hard and heavy crap. Leaves you a thougher man, and probably a pointer in the bowl.
Haskell: You push in pain and agony, and after a monad, six meals are expelled in a dense pearl.
Prolog: yes.
PHP: The crap just push some other crap and withdraws.
Python: A delightfull little snake. But you feel like not having crapped at all, and may have preferred something denser.
C++: The holiday dinner crap. You either enjoy the rich experience, or swear to become a vegetarian.
C#: Feels slicker than the Java crap, but you better have windows to open.
Javascript: A viscous unpredictable crap. You try to use its flexibility to your advantage, but it's a slippery slope.
Ruby: You enjoy the smell, and tell everyone.
Assembly: crp
HTML: You sneezed.
SQL: You take a dump and store it safely.
BASIC: You crapped on the potty.
Lua: You conclude philosophically that less is more while flushing.